How to bring up lube with a partner

Some people find it easier to talk while making tea or getting ready for bed, when there’s time to think. A simple “Would you like to try a lube together?” gives both of you room to say yes, ask questions or leave it for another time.

If you know what you’d like, be specific. Try “I’d like a little more glide” or “Can we pause and add some lube?” You can also ask how the texture feels once you’ve tried it. One person might like a light gel while the other prefers something richer. It’s fine to set a product aside if either person wants to.

If you use condoms, dams or toys, choose the lubricant together with those instructions in hand. Checking that ahead of time keeps the conversation about comfort from turning into a search for tiny print.

Keep checking in as you go. “How does that feel?” or “Do you want to slow down?” can be enough. If either of you wants a pause or wants to stop, make room for that straight away.